- Life is often a Mess
- Not having it together is OK
- Good people will show up
- Keep looking upward and outward
Karly and I were having an honest discussion a couple of days ago. We’re kinda a mess, yet God is working through that.
This conversation thread started when Karly was scrolling through Facebook. We all tend to put our best foot forward online. Happy pictures with the kids, great vacation spots, and happy celebrations. That’s the kind of stuff we like to post and get affirming thumbs up and hug emojis. Maybe it’s a hot take on a political or social issue, or just a funny cat video.
I think it’s sometimes discouraging to see happy people in our lives always doing well. We unintendedly create feelings of envy or distance when we don’t intend to. I have been guilty of this – all the pictures on my first draft of BaileyLife have been happy and charming. But this is not the reality of our daily life. So I want to be a little more honest.
We went to a local festival this last Friday and had a fun time with free food and a good band, and some Japanese themed entertainment. But when we were heading out, we got stuck in the mud. All the fun started to evaporate into frustration. It took and hour to get some help to pull us out – and then the electronic parking brake would not disengage. It took another 45 minutes to figure that one out. All the while, dozens of people offered to help. Three police officers gave over an hour of their time to help us figure it out. There was hidden truths to be seen.
The dishes aren’t always done: the kids don’t do the chore chart every day without tons of vocal reminders. Laundry piles up, and the dog peed on it. The kids fight and take offense at jokes that turn into arguments. There are homeschool lesson problems to figure out, reports to do, projects to complete. As a husband, I am not the best communicator; I get a plan in my head, and I don’t tell Karly my thoughts. I miss getting everything I planned to do done, then don’t communicate the changes.
Just trying to get this post together was a challenge. I started, then stopped. Tried again when I was sitting in bed, but then fell asleep. Sometimes, we just run out of steam, even with the best intentions.
Then there is this little thing of cancer casting a shadow over the family. There have been amazing answers to prayers, and we praise God for them to be sure. But I am also back in chemo. I don’t feel good for a couple of days afterword’s – it’s hard to focus, my body is still adjusting to not having a gall bladder so I have more nausea. so I have to keep up with my work and not always be great about helping with homeschool. Liver cancer has a high recurrence rate – going back into treatment was not an option. I must do the right thing for Karly and my kids, so if I need to endure a few more months of chemo, it’s not a question.
And there is a reality that finances have become an issue. As many of you have likely seen, Karly’s sister Kelly started a Go Fund Me to help raise funds to cover the bills. You can read more about it HERE, but the basics are that Insurance is still covering most things, but not everything. We have run out of the HSA funds quickly this year, so all co-pays are out of pocket for scans, treatments, and appointments. I have medications and supplements recommended by doctors, but not covered by insurance. We have other household costs that have gone up substantially. My raise this year barely covered the increased cost of home escrow (taxes and insurance), let alone the cost of groceries for 7. The van has a cracked windshield that needs repair… it feels endless, and being honest about it in detail feels embarrassing and invasive and feels like we are inviting judgment.
Yet we are called to share our needs with our community of friends and family, especially in Christian fellowship. And we have seen an outpouring of generosity that is a profound blessing and life-changing paradigm shift. While this has been one of the most difficult things we have had to do – harder than cancer in some ways – we are working to see how profoundly kind people are from a lifetime of relationships old and new. It’s a remarkable tapestry of generosity.
- To those who have sent encouragement – Thank You!
- To those who pray for us – Thank You!
- To those who have given – Thanks You!
My goal is to reach through this season and into what I believe is a new hopeful year with real and substantial and beautiful life beyond cancer by God’s hand of mercy. I have seen my children cry for me and grow in faith and maturity this year, and I am incredibly grateful for it. Cancer has taught me about honesty that was the hardest lesson I have ever learned, and I am working out all the implications still.
Finally, we try to not navel gaze. We keep looking to help others. We are very glad to have encountered and encouraged others on their cancer journey. I may have stepped down from the Troopmaster position, but I enjoy coaching my own boys and being a Trail Guide for the other patrols. Karly still finds ways to bring meals to others and encourage her friends. We want to keep reaching out and up. Send us a message. It’s our joy to pray for you. For all our messy lives, there is a blessing to be found with humble prayers.
Psalm 103
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.